It’s the end of MY world as I know it….and I feel fine
Last week, I wrote about entering The Darkness. That state of having a limited vision of opportunities and threats during a state of transition. In that post, I discussed several strategies for becoming comfortable and managing through the change.
This post tackles the more emotional aspect of going through a change in either your personal or professional life. Believe me, I know that managing change from a tactical and emotional stand point is harder than what can be put down into a few hundred words. However, I believe that a combination of adjusting the mindset and owning the reactions we have to change dictates a lot of how positive or negative the out come will be.
It’s the End of the World….
One of my favorite songs of all time is “It’s The End of The World” by REM. If the threat of earthquakes, and being over run by birds, and snakes, isn’t a call for “Game Over” over then maybe we can survive some of the game changes that we must work through as part of life. Some game changing events we control and we start. Some events just happen to us.
The end of relationships, jobs, and chapters in our lives often bring about new opportunities for growth and development. IF we have the right attitude and plan to deal with the change.
I have had the opportunity to meet and be taught by Kent Julian a few years back about owning our reaction to change or life events. Kent is a keynote speaker, a speaking coach, and all around great guy. Kent’s message that day that I met him was that we while we sometimes don’t control the events in our lives we can control our response if we decide to own it. By owning our response to events we have a direct input to how that event resolves itself.
In simple terms, it looks like this event+Response=outcome.
My world ending…Is it?
I think that the most troubling part of any closure or any unexpected loss is not knowing what will come next. Our internal predictive models are suddenly up ended with the only certainty being that the sun will rise in the East and set in the West. Beyond that certainty, everything else is up in the air.
There are all sorts of predictive models about what will happen if a dam is built on a river or if a dam is removed from a river. We have models and data about what happens when an area on the planet gets too much water or gets too hot. There are models about how to collapse buildings and how to construct new ones. It feels like there are models for everything except when an event hits us and throws us into a tail spin.
The only modeling that can be done when an expected or unexpected event affects us is our attitude in dealing with it.
I have gone through one job loss and I am going through another transition now. Both job losses were sudden jolts. The first time I went through a job loss I was figuratively wetting the bed, I didn’t know how I would make it through. I had a young family who depended on me for emotional and financial leadership and suddenly chaos, doubt and a whole bunch of negative emotions set up shop in my mind, no my soul.
Thanks to an incredible support system starting with my wife and surrogate father I eventually fought my way out of that negative state of mind. I took control of my response and got busy looking for work. Eventually, I ended up in a situation that was better for me and my family than if I had continued in that last position.
My world ended but I ended up in a better place but only after I stopped spinning out of control and started to own my response to the job loss.
Worlds are born and worlds end – that is the nature of things
Worlds or seasons of life start and end all the time. For example, when a football coach is hired by a college or professional team the only thing that is for sure is that someday that coach will be fired or quit the job.
In between the starts and stops of personal and professional life that one thing that we can control is our response and our mindset to the event. Depression and negativity will show up and sometimes stay longer than we would like. By taking ownership of our mindset and creating a plan to work through the event is the best way to keep the negativity from over staying their welcome.
One of the great things about being a coach is noticing experiences and situations that the person I am helping often doesn’t see. This lack of vision is no fault of their own. They are in The Darkness.
When we are the ones going through change or crisis we can’t see the growth, the opportunities or sometimes the dangers. That is why we need coaches, mentors, close friends, and mastermind groups to both point out these changes as well as to document them so that later we can step back and recognize the growth.
Coach’s wrap up
It stinks when worlds end unexpectedly and you don’t have a readily available road map to your next world or season.
When these violent storms affect you, the best advice that I can give you is to reach out for support, ask for help, and then work to own your Response. (e+R=o)
Owning that response is sometimes easier said than done but working towards owning it helps evolve your next world. Most times, when one world dies either abruptly or gradually, the next world is larger with more opportunity for growth and success.
If you are going through a planned or unexpected transition and need an outside perspective to help you remain accountable to your transition goals and maintaining a positive mindset, call or email me today.